Working out and Deep Thoughts

So it's been about a month since Matthew started school, and we all love it. It's also been 1 month since I started my little workout "boot camp." So, far it's going well no results yet, but i still have 5 more weeks to go for that. Anyway, working out for me is hard. I have NEVER done any type of workout, so the fact that I have stuck with it for a month doing pretty intense stuff is a MIRACLE! One thing I have noticed, is that while i'm running on the tread mill I trained myself to have my mind and eyes wonder away from the countdown "clock" that way, i do more each time without noticing. Today however, I had some major deep thoughts. I guess, that's why working out is good for you, since it clears your mind, but I have come down to important conclusions. Things that have bothered me since I was a kid, are starting to fade. I really don't want to post too many personal things on the blog, but lets just say that while growing up my family could have easily been featured on a very special "Jerry Springer." A lot of the things that I noticed that were different about my family made me feel like they were my fault. I have grown up with enormous amount of guilt about so many things! I have been so insecure, because I grew up thinking that I was never good enough for my dad to accept me (I no longer have contact with him) while in Chicago though, I realized that his precense was no longer needed in my life, but still I held some "hope" that he would one day meet my children and husband. Today, I let go. I realized that he will never be in my life, and that he will never get to meet my family and I'm OK with that. I guess, I still thought that he would be happy for me and the way my life is going, but the truth is, the dad I had while I was a kid no longer exists. He walked out, and he dosen't care. And again, I'm OK with that. In fact, it dosen't affect me one bit! I don't know what it is about working out, and having deep thoughts, but if working out will make my soul healthier than I'm all up for that. I'm actually starting to like it! So, maybe I will get to see some physical results from my workouts, maybe not, but one things is for sure, I'm loving how "fit" my thoughts are getting!